Our time at Mini Mudders this week was short-lived. My little one had an uneasy night sprouting a new tooth and so we were both lacking sleep. But it was a new day and I felt some time in the fresh air would do us both the world of good.
The morning was off to a great start. We had breakfast, got ready, and were on our way. So far so good. We parked up and walked over the field into the forest. My daughter began to be a bit fussy but it was nothing the mud kitchen couldn't fix, I thought. But then, she became inconsolable.
I don’t know about you but hearing my child cry and not being able to soothe them can be triggering. It sends me into a bit of panic. I want the crying to stop asap to prevent any poor reflection on me as a parent. I worry I’m going to look like a bad mum. Because what kind of mother isn’t able to make her child happy, right?
Attempting to soothe my daughter anywhere but at home can feel hard. We are usually in places that are over stimulating and full of people. I end up trying to distract my little one to stop her crying rather than tune into what she’s trying to tell me. I can sometimes feel angry, frustrated and embarrassed in the moment. Then once I am more regulated, I am overwhelmed with guilt, because I know I could have done better.
But this time, it was different. There was space to breathe and think amongst the trees. With the glare of the sun replacing the glare of bystanders I was able to listen instead of react. I was able to focus on the needs of my daughter, without any judgement from myself, or from anyone else.
I was able to emphasise. We had a rough night and understood that she was probably too exhausted to play. My daughter needed to sleep and so I made that happen. We left early, and within minutes of driving off she was well away, bless her. Upon reflection it was actually a really beautiful parenting moment. I was able to let my daughter cry and that's entirely ok. It’s ok because it’s showing her that it’s ok to cry. That it’s not her job to suppress her emotions to please me, or anyone else; and that she is allowed to be unapologetically herself. Always. Thank you Forest School for providing a space for us to have this experience, and thank you Little Acorn for choosing me to be your mum and reminding me daily that I am capable of it. I love you so very much. Until next time, Forest Mum and Little Acorn x